disappointing showing

at the morning circumambulation of the efficiency shrine today. Shenrab is doing his best here and you layabouts won't give it your all. i'm afraid that until the morning circumambulation shapes up, i am implementing the office austerity protocol.
1. locked doors policy: all doors are to be locked, including restroom, offices, kitchen (door to be installed today for this very purpose), fridge and freezer doors (lock redundancy is vital), files and other archived materials room, and most exits. if you need to use the door, you have to approch the master of keys (Roger B. Neff, Partner) with a key requisition form.
2. no music
3. internet access will be severely restricted
4. non-work related conversations are prohibited
5. personal affects are not allowed on desks
6. all decorations must be taken down unless approved by the master of decorations (Roger B. Neff, Partner)
7. "Vic", "Victor", "Graine", and any combination thereof constitute verboten speech in the office environment
8. you are requested to detail sexual exploits with Shenrab in weekly "confessionals" as a way of pinpointing possible contact with bad spirits that may be affecting our office. these are not mandatory but are recommended if you'd like to avoid an overabundance of charms and fetishes on your desk
9. casual fridays are canceled as are blue jean tuesdays
10. certain foods are prohibited; please speak to Shenrab for details