Welcome to a shorten fRyeday Recap. Shortened because of:
(1) Roger and Shenrab's remaking of the office is paying dividends. I can't remember when the place has been silent, with people busy at their tasks. We won't know how this affects "the bottom line" for a while, but I have no doubt Roger's taking us into strange new areas.
(2) A couple clients have decided to try their luck elsewhere, including Smitty's Seafood Importers and Pillows & Rugs. While we'll miss assisting them with their various legal needs, Roger assures me that they're easily replaceable.
(3) Check with Roger and Shenrab first, but if they say yes, go home early everybody!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
Huey Lewis memorably sang, "Do you believe in love?" Yes, Huey, I sure do.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
Why isn't "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" available on dvd? I mean, c'mon!
you hear that?
i am in command and so long as my hand is guided by Shenrab, i shall not stumble. Angie's posting privileges have been revoked, effective immediately. i am the law. she has been acting strangely and i suspect her to be under the influence of bad spirits. when the old Angie returns, she will be allowed to post once again. in other news i have promoted our new employee Rob Livermore to the position of Director of Efficiency Projects, which expand his duties from just filing to assisting Shenrab in ritual acts. naturally he is still in charge of filing and is expected to fulfill all prior duties in addition to his current liturgical responsibilities.
The worst kept secret in the world
I'm in love with Ms. Samantha Langhorst. I know it's not a great idea announcing all this with my impending divorce, but I don't care. I'm in love and a man in love does foolish happy things. Plus, Sam is Angie Pedowitz's roommate (soon to be ex- because Sam is moving in with me this weekend) and it was probably uncomfortable for her having to keep quiet around the office all my nightly visits to her "pad." So, be happy everyone because love is a wonderful thing.
Something else: a few people have been privately grumbling and leaving notes of complaint about Roger Neff's more active role in managing the office. Roger's style is unorthodox, and some would say highly erratic and even vindictive, but I think he's earned the right to reshape how we do business as he sees fit. Still feel free to voice your concerns to me—my office door is always open, and it's not just because my lock has been changed and I can't find the key—but also expect that I'll back up Roger 23 times out of 20.
Also, I took the initiative to sign for a package addressed to Vic. I opened it up and it contained a dead falcon with its talons cut off. Does anyone know what this means? I know that Vic keeps strange company, but this seems weird even for Vic.
Bye for now. I'm going for a late lunch with my snuggly wuggly baby.
Something else: a few people have been privately grumbling and leaving notes of complaint about Roger Neff's more active role in managing the office. Roger's style is unorthodox, and some would say highly erratic and even vindictive, but I think he's earned the right to reshape how we do business as he sees fit. Still feel free to voice your concerns to me—my office door is always open, and it's not just because my lock has been changed and I can't find the key—but also expect that I'll back up Roger 23 times out of 20.
Also, I took the initiative to sign for a package addressed to Vic. I opened it up and it contained a dead falcon with its talons cut off. Does anyone know what this means? I know that Vic keeps strange company, but this seems weird even for Vic.
Bye for now. I'm going for a late lunch with my snuggly wuggly baby.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
sexual harassment
i don't think suggesting a breeding program for p&r employees constitutes "sexual harassment" so i'm going to do it right here: we are creating a new society here at panini and rye. but no society can last if it does not hand down its values to the next generation. we must perpetuate our culture through progeny and we cannot allow harmful influences from the outside world (Cash Logan for example). in order to facilitate the emergence of a new society, i have just repurposed an assisted living home i inherited from my uncle into an official p&r lifestyle center. ample housing is available, onsite food prep, laundry, and bathroom facilities and a conference room i am outfitting with a state of the art sound system for dj nights. Shenrab is guiding me through this process. you are not required to join the Roger B. Neff New Society Complex, but you are highly encouraged to do so. i myself will be moving from my apartment into the new complex. we could call it the neffplex. anyway i want all of you to be my neighbors. a new life is possible. i am the firm. we are the firm. and the firm is the future.
that's more like it
you're starting to demonstrate some reverence for the ceremony. morning circumambulation determines the course of your day. remember that.
Shenrab has identified a cluster of evil spirits around Chris Panini's old office, probably planted there by the unnameable. we will be attempting an exorcism later. if anyone disturbs us during the exorcism, they will be escorted outside by security. this includes key requisitions, so please get your key-related business done before 2PM.
Shenrab has identified a cluster of evil spirits around Chris Panini's old office, probably planted there by the unnameable. we will be attempting an exorcism later. if anyone disturbs us during the exorcism, they will be escorted outside by security. this includes key requisitions, so please get your key-related business done before 2PM.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
Love is like oxygen—you get too much you get too high, not enough and you're gonna die. I'm not sure which philosopher said that, but it's true.
p.s. Gretchen, I've been unable to get into the washroom today. Is it being repaired for some reason? Also, who is this Asian American Elder who is cleaning desks? He wouldn't answer me when I asked.
p.s. Gretchen, I've been unable to get into the washroom today. Is it being repaired for some reason? Also, who is this Asian American Elder who is cleaning desks? He wouldn't answer me when I asked.
addendum
playing one of my mix cds still constitutes a violation of the no music rule. i will not respond to brownnosing.
disappointing showing
at the morning circumambulation of the efficiency shrine today. Shenrab is doing his best here and you layabouts won't give it your all. i'm afraid that until the morning circumambulation shapes up, i am implementing the office austerity protocol.
1. locked doors policy: all doors are to be locked, including restroom, offices, kitchen (door to be installed today for this very purpose), fridge and freezer doors (lock redundancy is vital), files and other archived materials room, and most exits. if you need to use the door, you have to approch the master of keys (Roger B. Neff, Partner) with a key requisition form.
2. no music
3. internet access will be severely restricted
4. non-work related conversations are prohibited
5. personal affects are not allowed on desks
6. all decorations must be taken down unless approved by the master of decorations (Roger B. Neff, Partner)
7. "Vic", "Victor", "Graine", and any combination thereof constitute verboten speech in the office environment
8. you are requested to detail sexual exploits with Shenrab in weekly "confessionals" as a way of pinpointing possible contact with bad spirits that may be affecting our office. these are not mandatory but are recommended if you'd like to avoid an overabundance of charms and fetishes on your desk
9. casual fridays are canceled as are blue jean tuesdays
10. certain foods are prohibited; please speak to Shenrab for details
1. locked doors policy: all doors are to be locked, including restroom, offices, kitchen (door to be installed today for this very purpose), fridge and freezer doors (lock redundancy is vital), files and other archived materials room, and most exits. if you need to use the door, you have to approch the master of keys (Roger B. Neff, Partner) with a key requisition form.
2. no music
3. internet access will be severely restricted
4. non-work related conversations are prohibited
5. personal affects are not allowed on desks
6. all decorations must be taken down unless approved by the master of decorations (Roger B. Neff, Partner)
7. "Vic", "Victor", "Graine", and any combination thereof constitute verboten speech in the office environment
8. you are requested to detail sexual exploits with Shenrab in weekly "confessionals" as a way of pinpointing possible contact with bad spirits that may be affecting our office. these are not mandatory but are recommended if you'd like to avoid an overabundance of charms and fetishes on your desk
9. casual fridays are canceled as are blue jean tuesdays
10. certain foods are prohibited; please speak to Shenrab for details
Sunday, January 25, 2009
An Update
Don't bother trying to track me down. I'm updating this from a public terminal and will soon be gone.
Progress in both my endeavors - freeing Panini and bringing down the Picayune - are getting off to a slow start. So far I have had to spend most of my time fighting a low grade war with the various hobos of Purgatory, all of whom seem to be vying for my admittedly delicious sandwich collection. I have tried to explain to them concepts of objective reality and how capitalism is the only just social system. Alas, I'm afraid I was not able to reach any of these common vagrants, and I have had to... incapacitate vast swaths of the derelict community.
Rest assured, however, that I will not rest until my objectives have been completed.
Vic out.
Friday, January 23, 2009
endtroducing
our new office efficiency consultant:
his name is Shenrab. i first met him fifteen years ago when Perry sponsored a peace and understanding tour of nepal. he taught me a lot about myself and i incorporated his theories into my sets as a dj. this led to the justly legendary PsychoShaman Spektacular in Hamburg 1995. my set broke boundaries of the mind and spirit. after the show a very famous idm musician came up to me and bit me on the shoulder. this was a warrior's bite and showed the depth of our connection. i'm not telling you who it was but come on. anyway i bridged tibetan animism, chaos magick, and musique concrete in the last true uprising of psychedelia.
back to buisness: Shenrab will be surreptitiously collecting personal items from each employee of the firm. this is in order that he may perform his "efficiency ritual" which will pinpoint the location of the bad spirits.
Shenrab will also be instituting a mandatory circumambulation of the office efficiency idol every morning. let's all pull our weight here, we need all the help we can get. Angie, you are not exempt, i have seen you eat bacon and you never take jewish holidays off anyway plus i saw a seven years in tibet dvd at your house so i think you'd welcome the chance to experience this culture firsthand.
do not be alarmed by his songs, dances, and ritual items. do NOT throw away any of his amulets and charms even if they smell bad. if it smells bad to you, it does to evil spirits too so please be quiet and take one for the p&r team.
thanks everybody.
- dj jazzy neff
his name is Shenrab. i first met him fifteen years ago when Perry sponsored a peace and understanding tour of nepal. he taught me a lot about myself and i incorporated his theories into my sets as a dj. this led to the justly legendary PsychoShaman Spektacular in Hamburg 1995. my set broke boundaries of the mind and spirit. after the show a very famous idm musician came up to me and bit me on the shoulder. this was a warrior's bite and showed the depth of our connection. i'm not telling you who it was but come on. anyway i bridged tibetan animism, chaos magick, and musique concrete in the last true uprising of psychedelia.
back to buisness: Shenrab will be surreptitiously collecting personal items from each employee of the firm. this is in order that he may perform his "efficiency ritual" which will pinpoint the location of the bad spirits.
Shenrab will also be instituting a mandatory circumambulation of the office efficiency idol every morning. let's all pull our weight here, we need all the help we can get. Angie, you are not exempt, i have seen you eat bacon and you never take jewish holidays off anyway plus i saw a seven years in tibet dvd at your house so i think you'd welcome the chance to experience this culture firsthand.
do not be alarmed by his songs, dances, and ritual items. do NOT throw away any of his amulets and charms even if they smell bad. if it smells bad to you, it does to evil spirits too so please be quiet and take one for the p&r team.
thanks everybody.
- dj jazzy neff
fRyeday Recap for January 23rd
An odd week here, with more goings than comings. Those who are here, I'm sure, will pull together for the team.
(1) Best wishes to Vic. Our ace staff attorney will, effective immediately, be going on an extended working vacation. Working as hard as he does, he needs a bit of time off, but, working as hard as does, he'll still be applying his legal skills wherever he is. And hopefully drum up some new clients, right Vic? You'll make partner yet!
In the interim, Roger Neff will be taking over Vic's caseload, with the ever able assistance of our ace paralegal Angie. Heck, I'll bet Angie can show Roger a trick or two.
(2) I canceled my speech before the Golem County Police Association due to personal matters. I'm hoping that they can squeeze me in in the future as we'd all benefit from some face to face.
(3) Peace is at hand. That phrase has never seemed truer now that Hillary Clinton is Secretary of State. I know that I gush a lot about her and it was personally quite difficult for me to accept that the nomination was denied to her, but it feels like the clock is chiming twelve with her arrival at the State Department.
(4) We seem to be in the presence of an efficiency expert. I don't know who's responsible, but I approve. As Secretary Clinton would say, "Time to get efficient!"
(5) I'm off to a meeting with Helmut Schultz of Mortenson's Apple Orchards. This could be a good one, folks.
(1) Best wishes to Vic. Our ace staff attorney will, effective immediately, be going on an extended working vacation. Working as hard as he does, he needs a bit of time off, but, working as hard as does, he'll still be applying his legal skills wherever he is. And hopefully drum up some new clients, right Vic? You'll make partner yet!
In the interim, Roger Neff will be taking over Vic's caseload, with the ever able assistance of our ace paralegal Angie. Heck, I'll bet Angie can show Roger a trick or two.
(2) I canceled my speech before the Golem County Police Association due to personal matters. I'm hoping that they can squeeze me in in the future as we'd all benefit from some face to face.
(3) Peace is at hand. That phrase has never seemed truer now that Hillary Clinton is Secretary of State. I know that I gush a lot about her and it was personally quite difficult for me to accept that the nomination was denied to her, but it feels like the clock is chiming twelve with her arrival at the State Department.
(4) We seem to be in the presence of an efficiency expert. I don't know who's responsible, but I approve. As Secretary Clinton would say, "Time to get efficient!"
(5) I'm off to a meeting with Helmut Schultz of Mortenson's Apple Orchards. This could be a good one, folks.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Am I the only sane one here?
First Mr Panini gets picked up by federal agents (and nobody has told me what the hell that was about) then Roger goes nuts in Montreal and Mr Rye has to bring him back AND THEN Rob goes crazy and I have to bail him out of jail and take care of him and now Vic's left the firm (???) and gone "underground". What the hell is going on here? I've NEVER complained about my workload or anything but I signed on as a paralegal not a babysitter and frankly Im tired of having to put a good face on this whole mess day after day while I do all the legwork and Roger makes collages from the magazines in the lobby or he brings in one of his "performance artist" friends who make working in this office a living hell as if having to negotiate files out of Rob's clutches wasn't hard enough I have to tackle whatever smelly art skank Roger's brought in for the day. I've worked SO HARD for this firm and I take care of every one of you and what do I get? The one guy I thought was reliable and that I DIDN'T have to take care of just disappears. Besides all that I've had that new "office shaman" in my hair ALL DAY. Whose idea was it to hire a witchdoctor for an office environment? THis is too new age even for Mr Rye so I'm guessing it was Roger's idea, in which case thanks again for making life so hard because trying to do the work of half a dozen chronic absentees and now there's some some weirdo shaking his rattle at me. I love this firm and I care about all of you so very much but can't you guys throw me a bone once in a while?? PLEASE?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Going Underground
With Mr. Panini's recent communique, I can finally say goodbye to the incompetence of this firm until order is restored.
A fish rots from the head down, and so what is there to do but chop off the current head and surgically graft on the older, better head that is unjustly incarcerated. That is why I am going off the grid and joining an underground Randian separatist group. Once proper leadership is restored, this new vanguard will be wiped away.
Besides the primary mission I am engaging in for Mr. Panini, I will also be endeavoring to take down the Picayune. They have been a thorn in our side for too long and a brave new Panini & Rye cannot afford their liberal commie mumbo jumbo. Also, I will try and finally get the damned Wexler Contract finished.
I don't know how long I will be underground for, it could be weeks or months. I will, however, be able to post occasional communiques from anonymous locations. But rest assured, I loathe you all and when I return you shall all be receiving your just desserts.
P.S. Panini, of course, would not be so foolish as to not leave another agent within the firm while I am gone. Rest assured I will be kept apprised of any actions that are taken to thwart our plans.
Bring it on.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Inauguration Day
I'd just like to say that I think that this country has a chance to regain its lost glory with a Clinton serving in the White House again. If Mr. Obama will just let her do what she does best!
Monday, January 19, 2009
An announcement
There will be no Thought of the Day today and perhaps not for several days. My wife of two years, Zoe Wimmer, and I have initiated divorce proceedings. My daughter, Janis, will be staying with her step-mother for the foreseeable future. Our privacy, I hope you agree, should be respected in this matter.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
When I was a student at Dred Scott University, former president Richard Nixon came to speak before my law class. In an act of protest I refused to applaud or shake his hand. I regret that now because he never heard my opinion. Speak truth to power and power will listen!
fRyeday Recap for January16th
TGIF—Thank God It's fRyeday! Some weekly wrap-up to take you into the weekend and prepare for next week.
(1) The Purgatory Business Bowling League starts up again next Thursday, and with Chris' absence, we have a spot open on the team. If you have experience "chucking the ball," see Gretchen about an audition.
(2) A reminder to please shake off the snow from your boots and coats before coming into the office. The carpeting is only ten years old and still has a lot of good years ahead of it if we act like adults.
(3) I walked into the file room today and I must say, whoever has taken over these duties is a genius. Spotless and orderly. I'll bet I could find the very first malpractice claim brought against Roger within thirty seconds. (Just kidding, Roger.) Gretchen, find out who the new person is and give him that Zoom music player I got at that convention last year.
(4) Received a letter from Chris Panini this week. He hopes you're all well and wants you to know that he's not backing down and doesn't expect any of you to, either. He also asked that Vic "stare at the bear until it blinks" (he says that Vic will know what that means).
(5) Some investors from New York City are coming to Purgatory next week to investigate the idea for a "Mad Anthony" Wayne Theme Park. I think it would be a good idea for Angie to attend some meetings and use her "natural style" to get Panini & Rye in on the ground level. It could be a big big boost for the Purgatory economy.
(6) Finally, I'll be addressing the Golem County Police Association's monthly meeting next week. I hope to bring back some good "tidbits" about the state of justice in our "neck of the woods."
(1) The Purgatory Business Bowling League starts up again next Thursday, and with Chris' absence, we have a spot open on the team. If you have experience "chucking the ball," see Gretchen about an audition.
(2) A reminder to please shake off the snow from your boots and coats before coming into the office. The carpeting is only ten years old and still has a lot of good years ahead of it if we act like adults.
(3) I walked into the file room today and I must say, whoever has taken over these duties is a genius. Spotless and orderly. I'll bet I could find the very first malpractice claim brought against Roger within thirty seconds. (Just kidding, Roger.) Gretchen, find out who the new person is and give him that Zoom music player I got at that convention last year.
(4) Received a letter from Chris Panini this week. He hopes you're all well and wants you to know that he's not backing down and doesn't expect any of you to, either. He also asked that Vic "stare at the bear until it blinks" (he says that Vic will know what that means).
(5) Some investors from New York City are coming to Purgatory next week to investigate the idea for a "Mad Anthony" Wayne Theme Park. I think it would be a good idea for Angie to attend some meetings and use her "natural style" to get Panini & Rye in on the ground level. It could be a big big boost for the Purgatory economy.
(6) Finally, I'll be addressing the Golem County Police Association's monthly meeting next week. I hope to bring back some good "tidbits" about the state of justice in our "neck of the woods."
Wow, what a week
It's still like a ghost town in here! You guys really partied it up. I'm proud I could be your host but you guys should take it easy next time and tone it down! ;) I'm just glad Rob is safe. He's a very brave soul! If you guys promise to take it easy, let's all go and see Roger spin at the Clement Club in Apocatastasis. It'd be good to get out of Purgatory and into the Golem County Lowlands for once! First drink's on me so long as it's PBR. ;)
[sundried]-[sundries]
i've been in the office every day for a week. i think that deserves recognition. maybe some chocolate or something. Angie, get on this.
i just heard that "journalist" Cash Logan has landed a spot on channel 3 for his "expose" series on Panini & Rye. apparently lies pay. congratulations, you rotten bastard.
yesterday due to payroll work i was forced to endure a mcdonalds lunch (no, i am not lovin it) the first time i've had fast food in a very long time. naturally it ripped through my insides. on my mad rush to the executive restroom (which is set aside for my colleagues and Vic so please don't use it people or i'll have to bring back the locked door policy), knowing i would have an extended stay, i grabbed a book from Vic's desk, the virtue of selfishness by ann rand. i didn't know she wrote books. i thought she was just an advuice columnist. i guess Vic's obsession makes more sense now, i thought he was just a little funny or something. anyway i got about halfway through it and it's not so bad but she's kinda uptight. i guess that's why she gave out advice so much.
also yesterday i discovered that a "Dom Bilbo" (short for dominic?) is on the payroll,. who is this? Gretchen didn't know either. Vic, i'm putting you on the case.
boy george has been jailed. to celebrate/mourn, my set tomorrow will feature some culture club remixes by yours truly including some mashes that are dope and stupid fresh.
i'm really worn out from this week. it's been tough. i had to wear a tie on wednesday. that was really rough.
finally, i found a letter on my desk. looks like i've got a secret admirer!
i just heard that "journalist" Cash Logan has landed a spot on channel 3 for his "expose" series on Panini & Rye. apparently lies pay. congratulations, you rotten bastard.
yesterday due to payroll work i was forced to endure a mcdonalds lunch (no, i am not lovin it) the first time i've had fast food in a very long time. naturally it ripped through my insides. on my mad rush to the executive restroom (which is set aside for my colleagues and Vic so please don't use it people or i'll have to bring back the locked door policy), knowing i would have an extended stay, i grabbed a book from Vic's desk, the virtue of selfishness by ann rand. i didn't know she wrote books. i thought she was just an advuice columnist. i guess Vic's obsession makes more sense now, i thought he was just a little funny or something. anyway i got about halfway through it and it's not so bad but she's kinda uptight. i guess that's why she gave out advice so much.
also yesterday i discovered that a "Dom Bilbo" (short for dominic?) is on the payroll,. who is this? Gretchen didn't know either. Vic, i'm putting you on the case.
boy george has been jailed. to celebrate/mourn, my set tomorrow will feature some culture club remixes by yours truly including some mashes that are dope and stupid fresh.
i'm really worn out from this week. it's been tough. i had to wear a tie on wednesday. that was really rough.
finally, i found a letter on my desk. looks like i've got a secret admirer!
I am alive, well, and ready to work!
Well, I'm back.
That was a rough time. I've been inundated with emails, calls, and co-workers dropping by my cubicle requesting I explain what happened, and I think it would be more efficient to put the story up here on the blog:
I don't remember much from Monday evening until early Thursday morning. The last thing I remember clearly was feeling a sudden urge to dance. Then a lot of fever dreams about bats and some sort of multilegged demon that lived in my peripheral vision. And something about some evil scientists attempting to hook me up to a machine. Then I woke up in a jail cell.
From what the arresting officer told me, I had been found wandering in my own front yard swinging a broken torchiere lamp at various invisible members of what I called "The Cabal," naked except for a turban made out of a torn piece of my living room curtain. I had apparently thrown my roommate's recliner through my living room picture window to "escape." My roommmate is going to kill me when he gets back from Belize.
Thankfully, Golem County's Finest got to me before frostbite and/or hypothermia set in. And the ever-reliable Angie Pedowitz really showed her mettle by bailing me out and taking care of me yesterday (I don't mind telling you, I was more than a little "out of sorts") - not to mention talking the police out of sending me to the Purgatory Pines Mental Health clinic for 48 hour observation! I owe you big time, girl.
A "tox screen" taken upon my admittance showed no readily identifiable drugs, though they've sent it to Indianapolis for a fuller battery of tests. Thankfully, my adult criminal record is clean, though I'm going to have to stand trial in a few weeks, and probably have to take a battery of psychiatric examinations to determine the true cause of my "Acute Dementia."
At any rate, I'm just so glad to be alive and well that I've decided to turn over a new leaf. Gone is the old "slacker" Rob Livermore! Say hello to the new, dedicated Rob Livermore! I'm ready to do my part to make Panina and Rye the best law firm in Golem County, if not the entire state! No more 3-hour lunches and 18-bathroom-break days! No more leaving 15 minutes early every day! No more converting to a new religion every time a holiday rolls around!
If anyone needs me today, I'll be in Central Files. That place is a mess.
P.S. - Roger, I took the liberty of watering and pruning the ferns outside your office. They looked a little scraggly.
P.P.S. - Is anyone here missing a Blackberry? I found one in my kitchen cabinet yesterday evening when I was putting away all the cans and boxes that were inexplicably strewn around my apartment. It has an embossed decal which reads "[expletive deleted] Nathaniel Branden" and a picture of some old guy who looks like George Hamilton with a red "Ghostbuster" circle around his face, if that helps. I'd turn it on to see if I could tell whose it is, but the battery seems to be dead.
That was a rough time. I've been inundated with emails, calls, and co-workers dropping by my cubicle requesting I explain what happened, and I think it would be more efficient to put the story up here on the blog:
I don't remember much from Monday evening until early Thursday morning. The last thing I remember clearly was feeling a sudden urge to dance. Then a lot of fever dreams about bats and some sort of multilegged demon that lived in my peripheral vision. And something about some evil scientists attempting to hook me up to a machine. Then I woke up in a jail cell.
From what the arresting officer told me, I had been found wandering in my own front yard swinging a broken torchiere lamp at various invisible members of what I called "The Cabal," naked except for a turban made out of a torn piece of my living room curtain. I had apparently thrown my roommate's recliner through my living room picture window to "escape." My roommmate is going to kill me when he gets back from Belize.
Thankfully, Golem County's Finest got to me before frostbite and/or hypothermia set in. And the ever-reliable Angie Pedowitz really showed her mettle by bailing me out and taking care of me yesterday (I don't mind telling you, I was more than a little "out of sorts") - not to mention talking the police out of sending me to the Purgatory Pines Mental Health clinic for 48 hour observation! I owe you big time, girl.
A "tox screen" taken upon my admittance showed no readily identifiable drugs, though they've sent it to Indianapolis for a fuller battery of tests. Thankfully, my adult criminal record is clean, though I'm going to have to stand trial in a few weeks, and probably have to take a battery of psychiatric examinations to determine the true cause of my "Acute Dementia."
At any rate, I'm just so glad to be alive and well that I've decided to turn over a new leaf. Gone is the old "slacker" Rob Livermore! Say hello to the new, dedicated Rob Livermore! I'm ready to do my part to make Panina and Rye the best law firm in Golem County, if not the entire state! No more 3-hour lunches and 18-bathroom-break days! No more leaving 15 minutes early every day! No more converting to a new religion every time a holiday rolls around!
If anyone needs me today, I'll be in Central Files. That place is a mess.
P.S. - Roger, I took the liberty of watering and pruning the ferns outside your office. They looked a little scraggly.
P.P.S. - Is anyone here missing a Blackberry? I found one in my kitchen cabinet yesterday evening when I was putting away all the cans and boxes that were inexplicably strewn around my apartment. It has an embossed decal which reads "[expletive deleted] Nathaniel Branden" and a picture of some old guy who looks like George Hamilton with a red "Ghostbuster" circle around his face, if that helps. I'd turn it on to see if I could tell whose it is, but the battery seems to be dead.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
The difference between a flower and a weed is the attitude of the gardener.
payroll
due to two thirds of the office staff being out "sick" three days after my birthday party at the dear, kind, thoughtful Miss Pedowitz's house, it's fallen on my shoulders to work out payroll with Gretchen since Perry doesn't seem to know how to use a computer. Perry and i just sent Angie to the Golem County Jail to liberate Vic's colleague Rob Livermore who is apparently a (the?) filing clerk in our office though i don't recall ever having met him. Angie will be out of the office the rest of the day to help Rob recoup.
i would just like to take this moment to remind people that prescription medication is not a plaything and i did in fact notice the "disappearance" of several bottles of medication used to treat a nervous condition with which i have been afflicted since my early '20s. i would like to remind people that 1. these drugs are treating a condition 2. the dosage level is set for a man who has been taking these drugs for almost twenty years. you do not give a child a howitzer. likewise do not play with a fire you can not control/understand.
now this could just be a coincidence. many have blamed the spicy crab dip and so food poisoning could be the culprit. i suppose its a coincidence that the symptoms of our office plague match sideeffects of my meds. regardless, you will have a paycheck upon your return since i doubt Perry is in the firing mood. that's not the gun he;'s interested in shooting right now, sotospeak.
i would just like to take this moment to remind people that prescription medication is not a plaything and i did in fact notice the "disappearance" of several bottles of medication used to treat a nervous condition with which i have been afflicted since my early '20s. i would like to remind people that 1. these drugs are treating a condition 2. the dosage level is set for a man who has been taking these drugs for almost twenty years. you do not give a child a howitzer. likewise do not play with a fire you can not control/understand.
now this could just be a coincidence. many have blamed the spicy crab dip and so food poisoning could be the culprit. i suppose its a coincidence that the symptoms of our office plague match sideeffects of my meds. regardless, you will have a paycheck upon your return since i doubt Perry is in the firing mood. that's not the gun he;'s interested in shooting right now, sotospeak.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
i have made myself a fortress
i have to conserve power on this thingbecase its not minme and i dont hve a charger but i just wnated to let angti know that i have made mysedf a fortress in ac abinet here. its a tight fit but there are plenty of cans of food t eat and the darkness is more soothtng than the light now that i know the bats are my allies against the THING.
i am safe.
for nOW
ROB
i am safe.
for nOW
ROB
I can't find Rob and I'm very worried!
Rob, if you're reading this, please try to call! I've read your two posts and I'm very worried for you.
Last time I saw Rob he was sleeping it off at my home. I just went back to check on him and apparently he knocked out my roommate Sam! She's the one in the polka dot dress by the way, I gave her Mr Rye's number. Sam doesn't know where he went. He's nowhere in the house (I'm still there, posting this from my Mac). I think he may have tried to take the bus because my neighbors say there was a ruckus at the bus stop, but I don't think he's in any state to be traveling. Vic, you're good at finding people, can you help?? Is your blackberry missing? I already checked with Roger and he has his.
Oh god, I'm so worried.
Last time I saw Rob he was sleeping it off at my home. I just went back to check on him and apparently he knocked out my roommate Sam! She's the one in the polka dot dress by the way, I gave her Mr Rye's number. Sam doesn't know where he went. He's nowhere in the house (I'm still there, posting this from my Mac). I think he may have tried to take the bus because my neighbors say there was a ruckus at the bus stop, but I don't think he's in any state to be traveling. Vic, you're good at finding people, can you help?? Is your blackberry missing? I already checked with Roger and he has his.
Oh god, I'm so worried.
the light did nto make it better
ok im scared and i cant remember how to dial anyones phone butthis is a magis balckberry that keeps me alive and there is only 3 doors why doesnt one of them lead outside id break a window bu t then THEY can get in and steal myu dreams with the big machine that runs on widows tears and orphan blood if i make it out of thsi dungeon alive i will come to wkr every day and maybe even do overtime and im srry about the ferns they are taunting me everty time i close my eyes roger how do yu do this everyday and twice on wknds whatthe hell was that it had more arms than it should at least the sunlight kilss bats and i will be in if i can i hope this counts as sickleave not vacation hours gretchen
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
oh god
i just woke up. i'm not sure where i am but i found a blackbryy. if anyone nows how to trrack down an ip addrss please dear god find me befo4re i die of starbvation. its dark and im scared.
im going to try to come to work tomorrow...honest...if i can just figure out whree the door is. ive tried 3 so far andthey are all closets or bathrooms. im not sure but i think there are bats in one. one tried to use his sonar on me but i think i killd him with a broom.
the moral od the story is too never steal a drink from roger neff.
im going to try to come to work tomorrow...honest...if i can just figure out whree the door is. ive tried 3 so far andthey are all closets or bathrooms. im not sure but i think there are bats in one. one tried to use his sonar on me but i think i killd him with a broom.
the moral od the story is too never steal a drink from roger neff.
How's everyone feeling?
Quite the party last night. A good show of support for our friend and colleague Roger and for the Panini & Rye family. You'd never guess it but Rob Livermore is quite the dancer—a Bust-a-Moves graduate? As Vic confided to me, "I guess we know what he does when he doesn't show up for work. Maybe even what he does at work for all we know."
Roger was in his element, of course, spinning his "mad tunes" and telling us how one band, The Orbs, are tied into the universal consciousness. I don't know if I really hear that, but they sounded pretty "cool" to me. It's a shame that Mrs. Rye was unable to attend because I think she could use some of your youthful zest.
On a personal note, Angie, please see me some time today. You were chatting with a young woman in a polka dot dress. I need to get in touch with her rather quickly.
Roger was in his element, of course, spinning his "mad tunes" and telling us how one band, The Orbs, are tied into the universal consciousness. I don't know if I really hear that, but they sounded pretty "cool" to me. It's a shame that Mrs. Rye was unable to attend because I think she could use some of your youthful zest.
On a personal note, Angie, please see me some time today. You were chatting with a young woman in a polka dot dress. I need to get in touch with her rather quickly.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Memories of Mr. Neff
I can't honestly remember if Mr. Neff and I ever associated in a non-work related capacity, certainly not since we were both associates. However, I do have some vague memories of a time when Mr. Neff was actually working on a case and not simply foisting off work onto people who actually show up for work six to seven days a week.
My other favorite memory of Mr. Neff was one time a while back when he came into the office late one night (I was still working to finish up a contract he had unceremiously foisted on me), clearly hopped up on some sort of hallucinogen, and proceeded to attack our then-functional coffee machine. I could hear him from my office screaming something about paisley colored goblins. I believe he thought the coffee maker was attacking him. The next morning Perry saw his beloved coffee maker and was quite distraught. Since then, we've gone through several more machines. I can only surmise how these other machines met their fate, and wonder how long this ridiculous espresso maker will surive.
Oh, maybe I wasn't supposed to tell that story on an open and public blog.
a couple favorite memories of Roger :)
On my first day of work Roger gave me a bowl of melon balls and a knife and told me to spend the day sharpening them. I thought he was joking but he looked very serious. I spent all day trying to figure our what sharpening meant, to no avail! The next morning he gave me a fresh bowl of melon balls and a knife and the same instruction. This continued for another day, not doing anything at the office other than figuring out how to sharpen melon balls. Eventually I told Roger that I couldn't figure it out and there wasn't any way to sharpen a melon ball. I was crying and I thought he'd fire me but he said yes, that's true and then laughed.
Another time he gave me three of his mix cds and told me to write up all my thoughts on them. I have to say, although his clothes were unusual for a lawyer, I never expected a partner in a firm as presitigious as P&R to have such good taste in music! I guess like Roger says, he lived retro. I was a little timid but I told him some ideas for his mixes and then he invited me to the Flannel Biscuit for DJ night and when he did a set, he had used some of my ideas! I was very flattered.
OK, that's it for now, I've got to take my hour lunch to stock up on some supplies for tonight's party! Remember guys, it's at 9PM at my place! Prefer BYOB although there will be refreshments available and if you can please bring another gift for Roger since I'm not sure if he's coming into the office today.
Another time he gave me three of his mix cds and told me to write up all my thoughts on them. I have to say, although his clothes were unusual for a lawyer, I never expected a partner in a firm as presitigious as P&R to have such good taste in music! I guess like Roger says, he lived retro. I was a little timid but I told him some ideas for his mixes and then he invited me to the Flannel Biscuit for DJ night and when he did a set, he had used some of my ideas! I was very flattered.
OK, that's it for now, I've got to take my hour lunch to stock up on some supplies for tonight's party! Remember guys, it's at 9PM at my place! Prefer BYOB although there will be refreshments available and if you can please bring another gift for Roger since I'm not sure if he's coming into the office today.
Perry's Thought of the Day
"We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning"
Not since the great Buddha has this truth been expressed so perfectly. On behalf of all us at Panini & Rye who "didn't light it
but tried to fight it," thank you Billy Joel.
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning"
Not since the great Buddha has this truth been expressed so perfectly. On behalf of all us at Panini & Rye who "didn't light it
but tried to fight it," thank you Billy Joel.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
When Britney Spears writes a song as good as "Desperado," then I'll start paying attention.
okay angie
i dont really want to take the time to decide on a memory of Roger B Neff so i decided to make a list of the first few things that pop into my mind
- on my first day of work as a temp (remember thsoe days?) when he called the front desk from that "facility" in new mexico mr. panina recommended for his exhaustion i was amazed because i thought flavor flav was one of our clients. that was a lot more impressive in the 90's.
- for 34 days straight in 2002 he called me "julio' and kept demanding a timeline on the executive bathroom retiling project. every day i told him i was a) named rob b) not technically a contractor c) i didnt even have a key to that bathroom d) i didnt even know there was a executive bathroom - i still haven't found it, and think he might have been imagining there was one since mr. rye mr panina and vic all use (or used) the same one as i do e) i have no idea how to tile anything anyway, as i have an arts degree. he always used to laugh knowingly at his error then tell me "if i dont see some progress soon, youll be back to picking tomatos faster than you can count to tres, amigo."
- im not sure what body spray he uses, but i cant wear my contacts when hes in the office
- speaking of flavor flav, whatever happend to that clock you used to wear roger? do you keep it in storage with the straw cowboy hat and those oversized JNCOs you used to wear on casual fridays (before mr rye cancelled those days after the Incident)
- remember mary? she used to keep a voodoo doll of roger in her desk. It was pretty well made too. one day she told me that the hair on the doll was really rogers and that was why she knew it worked. i wonder what happened to her.
okay thats enough
fRyeday Recap for January 9th
A lot to cover in this fRyeday summary, so let's get to it!
(1) Two new clients to announce:
- Naughty Nightwear and Fantasies has switched their legal representation from Goldstein and Silverstein to Panini & Rye (sorry, Wendell and Marty, you had your shot). I haven't done as much real "lawyerin'" as I'd like, so I'll be handling this account exclusively, and look forward to defending Miss Tawnee's interests.
- The Brothers and Sisters of the Earth Sharing Foundation has retained Panini & Rye in its fight against Golem county polluters. Roger and I agree that Vic would provide exemplary skill and zeal in this fight.
(2) Roger, I love your sense of humor, but I'm a bit worried that some people might take seriously your descriptions of your Montreal ordeal. This firm has suffered plenty from people misunderstanding the truth, so let's take care what we people hear.
(3) I love the idea of sharing stories about Roger. The first time I met Roger was when I was in law school and his dad, Ross Neff, was one of my professors. Great times, learning at the feet of the master. One summer day, I was preparing to clean the Neff swimming pool when Roger, who couldn't have been more than ten or so and was swimming, decided that he wasn't coming out. I ordered and begged and bargained with him but to no avail. Finally, "the old man's" voice boomed out, "Get your butt out of the pool, you little twit!" Roger stared at the house then at me, then he got a weird look on his face. I could tell he was urinating in the pool. Oh, I was angry, but in retrospect it shows he had that lawyer's spirit—even when you lose a fight, make sure you take some kind of victory with you. He's peed in many a pool since, and I mean that in the best way possible.
(4) Out of consideration for Angie, could we please refrain from discussing the conflict in Gaza around the break room table? Thanks.
(1) Two new clients to announce:
- Naughty Nightwear and Fantasies has switched their legal representation from Goldstein and Silverstein to Panini & Rye (sorry, Wendell and Marty, you had your shot). I haven't done as much real "lawyerin'" as I'd like, so I'll be handling this account exclusively, and look forward to defending Miss Tawnee's interests.
- The Brothers and Sisters of the Earth Sharing Foundation has retained Panini & Rye in its fight against Golem county polluters. Roger and I agree that Vic would provide exemplary skill and zeal in this fight.
(2) Roger, I love your sense of humor, but I'm a bit worried that some people might take seriously your descriptions of your Montreal ordeal. This firm has suffered plenty from people misunderstanding the truth, so let's take care what we people hear.
(3) I love the idea of sharing stories about Roger. The first time I met Roger was when I was in law school and his dad, Ross Neff, was one of my professors. Great times, learning at the feet of the master. One summer day, I was preparing to clean the Neff swimming pool when Roger, who couldn't have been more than ten or so and was swimming, decided that he wasn't coming out. I ordered and begged and bargained with him but to no avail. Finally, "the old man's" voice boomed out, "Get your butt out of the pool, you little twit!" Roger stared at the house then at me, then he got a weird look on his face. I could tell he was urinating in the pool. Oh, I was angry, but in retrospect it shows he had that lawyer's spirit—even when you lose a fight, make sure you take some kind of victory with you. He's peed in many a pool since, and I mean that in the best way possible.
(4) Out of consideration for Angie, could we please refrain from discussing the conflict in Gaza around the break room table? Thanks.
So Roger's birthday is Monday...
I'm thinking we should throw him a big party! Especially after all that awful stuff in Canada he went through. Not just an office party though but a real one after work. Roger's a dj so I'm sure he'd want to really get down. ;) In preparation let's all post our favorite memories of Roger before the weekend! Vic, Rob, Mr Rye, Gretchen, let's do it up for a partner of the firm and a friend to all of us here at Panini & Rye.
[croesus]-[lies]&whyvicwhy
it seems "newspaperman" Cash Logan at the Purgatory Picayune has decided to publish a host of lies about my time in Montreal. let me respond to some egregious points; i leave the rest to our litigious bicep.
1. i did not threaten the staff of Le Hotel Champlain. when a weatherman forecasts a storm, he is not threatening the public. likewise with my warnings.
2. i was not wearing a burger king crown. i do not eat fast food. it was a prop crown acquired for me by a local graffiti artist. yes, i said artist.
3. somehow the single pump action shotgun i borrowed from Vic has blossomed, in the imagination of "newspaperman" Cash Logan, into a "massive arsenal including a grenade launcher"-this is patent falsehood.
4. i never discharged my weapon at any animate objects.
5. there are no grounds for "Mr." Logan to question the reported ages of my two female companions. the discussion of canadian age of consent laws was frankly gratuitous.
6. secondly, i said companions. they were not "hostages".
7. Mr. Panini's much publicized friendship with several prominent members of the National Assembly had nothing to do with my so-called "escape from legal repercussions". once again Mr. Logan, you assume too much. why assume corruption where the explanation of a commonsensical approach to law enforcement would suffice? i think we could learn a thing or two from the quebecois. let us all raise high the fleur de lis in respect.
8. i don't know where this whole kitten thing came from and i'm not going to dignify it with a response.
recently it seems Vic felt fit to accuse me of "getting caught with three kilos of blow, five well-trained monkeys and 20 pounds of zebra meat at the border". i assume this is a joke. let me remind him that he loaned me the firearm and that trafficking in exotic animals and the meat of exotic animals sounds like Vic Graine to me. time for a bedtime story: there's a man in distress and his friend and colleague pressures him into smuggling contraband, furthermore drugging him in order to weaken his will. somehow it explodes into a media story, but in order to protect his friend/colleague said distressed man doesn't "squeal".
or does he? moral of the story, it's not his choice, it's the colleague's.
1. i did not threaten the staff of Le Hotel Champlain. when a weatherman forecasts a storm, he is not threatening the public. likewise with my warnings.
2. i was not wearing a burger king crown. i do not eat fast food. it was a prop crown acquired for me by a local graffiti artist. yes, i said artist.
3. somehow the single pump action shotgun i borrowed from Vic has blossomed, in the imagination of "newspaperman" Cash Logan, into a "massive arsenal including a grenade launcher"-this is patent falsehood.
4. i never discharged my weapon at any animate objects.
5. there are no grounds for "Mr." Logan to question the reported ages of my two female companions. the discussion of canadian age of consent laws was frankly gratuitous.
6. secondly, i said companions. they were not "hostages".
7. Mr. Panini's much publicized friendship with several prominent members of the National Assembly had nothing to do with my so-called "escape from legal repercussions". once again Mr. Logan, you assume too much. why assume corruption where the explanation of a commonsensical approach to law enforcement would suffice? i think we could learn a thing or two from the quebecois. let us all raise high the fleur de lis in respect.
8. i don't know where this whole kitten thing came from and i'm not going to dignify it with a response.
recently it seems Vic felt fit to accuse me of "getting caught with three kilos of blow, five well-trained monkeys and 20 pounds of zebra meat at the border". i assume this is a joke. let me remind him that he loaned me the firearm and that trafficking in exotic animals and the meat of exotic animals sounds like Vic Graine to me. time for a bedtime story: there's a man in distress and his friend and colleague pressures him into smuggling contraband, furthermore drugging him in order to weaken his will. somehow it explodes into a media story, but in order to protect his friend/colleague said distressed man doesn't "squeal".
or does he? moral of the story, it's not his choice, it's the colleague's.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
Friends may have been the best situation comedy ever made. The writing and performances snapped, crackled, and popped. Do yourself a favor and watch an episode tonight.
Why is Vic ticked?
Gretchen "printed off" your latest contribution to our public forum, Vic, and I thought I'd address some of the more troubling aspects.
(1) The Wexler contract. If a partner assigns you work, you must do it for the good of the firm. If we go around turning down work, we'll all be on the bread lines.
(2) Ayn Rand audiobooks. Please consult your work contract—Ayn Rand literature falls under pornography, which is not allowed on Panini & Rye property because it sets a bad example for the younger staff.
(3) The ethics agreement. Again, consult your work contract. If you are offered a partnership, you will have the opportunity to renegotiate these matters. So, the best way of getting out from under the contract is to get at the work. C'mon, Vic old buddy, we're all pulling for you!
(4) Roger Neff. I believe I've already stated what happened in Montreal. Idle speculation will only empower those who would bring this firm down, and I. Will. Not. Let. That. Happen.
(5) The espresso fund. Until you make partner, you'll be obliged to pay into the coffee fund. One for all and all for one. Be a team guy, Vic!
Some other concerns:
Does Mr. Livermore still work here? I see that his paychecks are still cashed, but I never see him in the hallways. Could someone check on this for me?
Whose turn is it to shovel? I paid good money for my loafers and I don't think trudging from the curb to the building does them any good.
I'm unimpressed by the juvenile antics of taking bites out of all the donuts in the break room but leaving the remainder on the counter. If there is a point behind all this, please tell Gretchen.
The new year is proving as stressful as the last. I'm hopeful that once Mrs. Clinton is installed as Secretary of State, everyone around here can relax a bit and start feeling hopeful once more.
(1) The Wexler contract. If a partner assigns you work, you must do it for the good of the firm. If we go around turning down work, we'll all be on the bread lines.
(2) Ayn Rand audiobooks. Please consult your work contract—Ayn Rand literature falls under pornography, which is not allowed on Panini & Rye property because it sets a bad example for the younger staff.
(3) The ethics agreement. Again, consult your work contract. If you are offered a partnership, you will have the opportunity to renegotiate these matters. So, the best way of getting out from under the contract is to get at the work. C'mon, Vic old buddy, we're all pulling for you!
(4) Roger Neff. I believe I've already stated what happened in Montreal. Idle speculation will only empower those who would bring this firm down, and I. Will. Not. Let. That. Happen.
(5) The espresso fund. Until you make partner, you'll be obliged to pay into the coffee fund. One for all and all for one. Be a team guy, Vic!
Some other concerns:
Does Mr. Livermore still work here? I see that his paychecks are still cashed, but I never see him in the hallways. Could someone check on this for me?
Whose turn is it to shovel? I paid good money for my loafers and I don't think trudging from the curb to the building does them any good.
I'm unimpressed by the juvenile antics of taking bites out of all the donuts in the break room but leaving the remainder on the counter. If there is a point behind all this, please tell Gretchen.
The new year is proving as stressful as the last. I'm hopeful that once Mrs. Clinton is installed as Secretary of State, everyone around here can relax a bit and start feeling hopeful once more.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The Wexler Contract and Other Notes
I receieved an internal memo earlier today stating I hadn't been posting enough on this blog. Fine. Far be it from to ever be anything but a team player.
Suffice to say, the Wexler Contract is still in a state of limbo. Now, I'm not naming names but perhaps it's time some of the useless baggage (the useless baggage that apparently likes to spend its time in the socialist hellhole to the north of here) around here either shaped up or got torn apart by the mandibles of a thousand africanized fire ants. This contract isn't even mine, after all. I should be working on the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo (herein referred to as "FWCZ") case. Which brings me to my next point, actually.
I understand that this is supposed to be a high-profile pro bono case for the firm, but I'm simply unable to do my job properly. Those social deviants over at the Picayune keep harassing me, and if I have to get one more memo about not being allowed to brandish my weaponry at reporters I swear that when my turn comes to pick office music on "Music Mondays" I'm going to play nothing but Ayn Rand audiobooks and Ted Nugent albums.
Furthermore, my hands have been tied from the start from the idiotic "ethics agreement" we had to sign upon coming to work at this firm. Besides preventing me from being able to PRIVATELY deal with evidence and witnesses as I see fit, I'm afraid that such a bleeding heart moral code has the additional negative consequence of providing a convenient shield for the lazier on staff to shirk their responsibility to both maximing profits for this firm and utterly crushing our pathetic opponents in every manner possible. I think nimbly pimply Canada-lovers and borderline downy filing clerks would do well to reasses their commitment to this firm andI would suggest we all think on the fact that in order to build a truly free society we must be allowed to work UNREGULATED and without any wishy-washy categorical imperitives.
P.S. I heard about Mr. Neff getting caught with three kilos of blow, five well-trained monkeys and 20 pounds of zebra meat at the border. Anyone have more details?
P.P.S. Oh, and I still refuse to pay any money towards that idiotic espresso machine. I grow my own special coffee beans and don't need this eurotrash nonsense diluting my mighty system of organs. On a totally unrelated note, I'd like to remind our readers that if you are looking to conduct any non-law firm business PLEASE REFRAIN FROM CONTACTING ME VIA THE E-MAIL POSTED. I have a seperate account to deal with such matters. Thank you.
Perry's Thought of the Day
A Hoosier is someone "who's sure" he's living in the best darn state in the union!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Perry's Thought of the Day
If blondes really have more fun, it's just because they try harder to have fun.
A book to change your life
I read this years ago and found myself in need of it again during the recent crisis at Panini & Rye. I've ordered enough copies for everyone in the office, so hopefully we'll all be treated to stories of how our lives have been improved by orange socks!
Monday, January 5, 2009
im back - gretchen please stop calling me
apparently no one here checks their voicemail.
i mean, i know i didnt. but thats because i haven't been home and my cell phone is for private use only. thats why no one here knows the number.
anyway, i left a voicemail on christmas eve at like midnight or so saying i might not be back for a little bit because i had a chance to visit some people out of state. I know i said id definitely be back by the 2nd but i figured we had that day off since we had new years off and that was a thursday. so i guess i dropped the ball on that one.
i guess you might not have understood my message since i was at a club that night and the dj really had the bass turned up LOUD but i think i was pretty careful about talking slowly and loudly so that shouldnt have been a problem.
anyhow i didn't get back until late last night, and when I woke up at 11 this morning there were like a hundred messages from gretchen. and only the first couple were polite if you ask me.
so yes i am here. and im sorry you didnt realize i would be gone. im also sorry that someone went into the files again. please whoever did this, dont try to reorganize the files again. ive said before and i hope i dont have to say again: alphabetizing isnt nuanced enough. my system may not make sense at first, but its much more efficient. just remember to ask for files when im at work if your going to need them when im off.
and angie thank you very much for youre message. it was very polite. (take note gretchen) i'm not sick at all but I do feel a little tired. it was a hectic week. i may have to take off early today to get caught up on my sleep.
please, nobody use the lotion i put in the fridge. i have to keep the tattoo moisturized, and it feels better cold.
i mean, i know i didnt. but thats because i haven't been home and my cell phone is for private use only. thats why no one here knows the number.
anyway, i left a voicemail on christmas eve at like midnight or so saying i might not be back for a little bit because i had a chance to visit some people out of state. I know i said id definitely be back by the 2nd but i figured we had that day off since we had new years off and that was a thursday. so i guess i dropped the ball on that one.
i guess you might not have understood my message since i was at a club that night and the dj really had the bass turned up LOUD but i think i was pretty careful about talking slowly and loudly so that shouldnt have been a problem.
anyhow i didn't get back until late last night, and when I woke up at 11 this morning there were like a hundred messages from gretchen. and only the first couple were polite if you ask me.
so yes i am here. and im sorry you didnt realize i would be gone. im also sorry that someone went into the files again. please whoever did this, dont try to reorganize the files again. ive said before and i hope i dont have to say again: alphabetizing isnt nuanced enough. my system may not make sense at first, but its much more efficient. just remember to ask for files when im at work if your going to need them when im off.
and angie thank you very much for youre message. it was very polite. (take note gretchen) i'm not sick at all but I do feel a little tired. it was a hectic week. i may have to take off early today to get caught up on my sleep.
please, nobody use the lotion i put in the fridge. i have to keep the tattoo moisturized, and it feels better cold.
Roger is safe
Friends,
The New Year is upon us and is already eventful. I just returned from Montreal after receiving a phone call from the concierge at Le Hotel Champlain, demanding that I retrieve Roger Neff. Roger, it seems, was a victim of some kind of spiking, and he accidentally ingested a substance that induced extreme paranoia. He had blockaded himself in his room because was convinced that agents of the US government were trying to implant a monitoring device in his brain.
I arrived in Montreal on New Years Eve and spent the better part of the next two days negotiating with Roger to be let into his room. (Let me tell you, there is no tougher negotiator in the world than Roger Neff, even under the spell of a hallucinogen. Potential clients should feel safe trusting their deals to Roger.) The next two days are a blur even to myself. Stairwells and taxi cabs were involved, and there was a lot of screaming. Flashing lights and oppressive Canadian security agents. What a terrifying country.
But we are back in Purgatory and it feels good. Roger's recuperating and should be into work soon enough. I should add that my above outline is to serve as the official account of my trip and all others mere speculation or outright lies.
The New Year is upon us and is already eventful. I just returned from Montreal after receiving a phone call from the concierge at Le Hotel Champlain, demanding that I retrieve Roger Neff. Roger, it seems, was a victim of some kind of spiking, and he accidentally ingested a substance that induced extreme paranoia. He had blockaded himself in his room because was convinced that agents of the US government were trying to implant a monitoring device in his brain.
I arrived in Montreal on New Years Eve and spent the better part of the next two days negotiating with Roger to be let into his room. (Let me tell you, there is no tougher negotiator in the world than Roger Neff, even under the spell of a hallucinogen. Potential clients should feel safe trusting their deals to Roger.) The next two days are a blur even to myself. Stairwells and taxi cabs were involved, and there was a lot of screaming. Flashing lights and oppressive Canadian security agents. What a terrifying country.
But we are back in Purgatory and it feels good. Roger's recuperating and should be into work soon enough. I should add that my above outline is to serve as the official account of my trip and all others mere speculation or outright lies.
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