The Wexler Contract and Other Notes

I receieved an internal memo earlier today stating I hadn't been posting enough on this blog. Fine. Far be it from to ever be anything but a team player.

Suffice to say, the Wexler Contract is still in a state of limbo. Now, I'm not naming names but perhaps it's time some of the useless baggage (the useless baggage that apparently likes to spend its time in the socialist hellhole to the north of here) around here either shaped up or got torn apart by the mandibles of a thousand africanized fire ants. This contract isn't even mine, after all. I should be working on the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo (herein referred to as "FWCZ") case. Which brings me to my next point, actually.

I understand that this is supposed to be a high-profile pro bono case for the firm, but I'm simply unable to do my job properly. Those social deviants over at the Picayune keep harassing me, and if I have to get one more memo about not being allowed to brandish my weaponry at reporters I swear that when my turn comes to pick office music on "Music Mondays" I'm going to play nothing but Ayn Rand audiobooks and Ted Nugent albums.

Furthermore, my hands have been tied from the start from the idiotic "ethics agreement" we had to sign upon coming to work at this firm. Besides preventing me from being able to PRIVATELY deal with evidence and witnesses as I see fit, I'm afraid that such a bleeding heart moral code has the additional negative consequence of providing a convenient shield for the lazier on staff to shirk their responsibility to both maximing profits for this firm and utterly crushing our pathetic opponents in every manner possible. I think nimbly pimply Canada-lovers and borderline downy filing clerks would do well to reasses their commitment to this firm andI would suggest we all think on the fact that in order to build a truly free society we must be allowed to work UNREGULATED and without any wishy-washy categorical imperitives.

P.S. I heard about Mr. Neff getting caught with three kilos of blow, five well-trained monkeys and 20 pounds of zebra meat at the border. Anyone have more details?

P.P.S. Oh, and I still refuse to pay any money towards that idiotic espresso machine. I grow my own special coffee beans and don't need this eurotrash nonsense diluting my mighty system of organs. On a totally unrelated note, I'd like to remind our readers that if you are looking to conduct any non-law firm business PLEASE REFRAIN FROM CONTACTING ME VIA THE E-MAIL POSTED. I have a seperate account to deal with such matters. Thank you.